I wanted to be unbothered by you, but you were in my head. You were under my skin. You were everywhere. You were all consuming. You were like a disease. Thoughts of you were constantly multiplying. I was losing control and it was eating away at me. Loving you was killing me – and still, I couldn’t shake myself free of you. I hated the way you made me feel, because loving someone should never make you feel sick.
And maybe for the past few years I was keeping myself distracted with him. Or with the other boys. Keeping myself busy. So I wouldn’t miss you. But I called him your name once and I watched the light fade from his eyes. I thought of you often. I’m not saying I didn’t love him. Because I did, I just always loved you more.
-C.C.
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